Training anxiety

I'm reviewing my run map for tomorrow morning again. I cannot get to sleep yet. Between the loud neighbors having some party in the backyard to my mind racing about where I'll be when I hit which mile and where there will be water to refill the bottle and if the 4 Gu's are enough for the 22 miles. 22 miles. What? I have no idea what is going on. Who runs 22 miles? Well, I had better, since I am running from home and ending up at Central Park, which will be around 9 miles. Then I am completing the final 13 miles there by running a half marathon race. I don't really have other options. That's what's happening. I will get there and I will run there.

And, that will be the worst of it. This will be my longest run in my training. I made it through 15, 18, 20. I can make it through this. And then I will taper. And then I will run the marathon. I still care how fast I will end up going, but not enough to let it ruin my experience. I decided that I had to give up on my time goals just because I would rather finish smiling, than finish with a scowl. So, goal is to finish, to enjoy the day. If I make it under 4:30, all the better.

I am frustrated that I feel alone in my training right now. It's what I wanted and what I planned--to do this alone. But, I feel like there is no one to train with anymore. I have to do my 22 how I want to do my 22. And, that's it. This will be, by far, the longest distance I have ever covered by myself. Part is with other racers, but none is with a partner. And, the Shuffle is staying home. It's just gonna be me for a few hours.