As I started into the second mile of today's 10k race, the sun was shining, there was a beautiful view of water and manhattan, some trees still had colored leaves, I was surrounded by people, and yet alone. I smiled and let go. There were no expectations left in me for today. I had no idea what would happen. I thought I would be in pain or struggling the entire time, but, instead, I was relaxed and happy. I finally felt like I could think. And, also zone out. It was so calming.
My entire race was negative splits. Starting at about a 10 minute mile pace, by the 6th mile, I was at 8:29. I felt strong. I felt connected to myself for the first time in weeks. I had a PR and got my NYRR pace officially down.
I hadn't run since Thanksgiving morning way back when. Our fun run Turkey Trot. Then I fell on my knee, then worked late and wasn't able to hash Monday. Then I just gave up for the week. I don't think I'll do that again. Between not running, PMS, and a tough work week, I was a strained, insane mess. It calmed a little and self-medicating many nights took the edge off for short periods of time, but my brain was a mess. I had that old neurotic spin taking over. Not a pretty sight.
So, I nearly forgot. But, I was reminded. I love you, running. I know nothing else that can take my excess energy and utilize it in such a positive way. You calm me. You connect me with myself. You ground me, literally.
This is for you.
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